


If Only

by Sexy_Avengers17



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Needs a Hug, Akaashi Keiji-centric, Bokuaka - Freeform, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Boyfriend, Established Relationship, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, POV Akaashi Keiji, Self-Doubt, Volleyball Dorks in Love, haikyuu!! - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25398502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sexy_Avengers17/pseuds/Sexy_Avengers17
Summary: Sometimes, Akaashi’s insecurities get to him. Good thing he’s got a loving boyfriend who’s always there to help him through.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 138





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based off that one manga chapter. Also, let’s imagine there’s dorms at Fukurodani for the sake of the fic.

** Akaashi  **

Akaashi never showed it to anyone, but he had self esteem issues. It affected him mostly with volleyball, although he had learned to control it better now.

That didn’t mean it never got to him. It always ended up getting to him. It was just a matter of wether he could keep it from screwing up in a game and up until now Akaashi had managed.

Akaashi never got changed out mid game. He was always careful enough—knew he had to be so he wouldn’t drag the team down. Sometimes they started with another setter so the coach could see his playing, but he never got changed out.

So when the referee blew his whistle, and Akaashi noticed the player holding his number he went cold.

Akaashi knew he was off his game today. The pressure he was feeling from the other team’s blockers had felt excruciating and trying to break through them with Bokuto was only causing the player to fail his spikes.

Bokuto was already looking crestfallen from all the missed spikes, and it was just a matter of time before he went into emo mode altogether.

Still, Akaashi didn’t want to leave the game. He looked away from everyone when he went for the change and sat next to the coach, staring at his shoes.

“Don’t think too much about this,” coach Yamiji said. “Everyone has bad days and we also need Anahori-kun to practice. You were also relying on Bokuto a bit too much, so it’ll be a breather for him too.”

“Right,” Akaashi said. He gripped his knees with his hands to stop them from shaking. He didn’t want to continue watching the game. It was just a practice match anyways, he shouldn’t think about it too much. Coach had said so.

Still...

Akaashi took a wet towel and set it over his head, covering his face. It was typical for any player to do that so no one would think twice about it.

He closed his eyes and thought about the current situation. Akaashi had known his tosses were way off today, he just didn’t want to accept it. His mind was also extremely unfocused and the blockers on the other team were persistent. The pressure hadn’t let Akaashi analyze the play and it had made him toss to the ace too desperately.

Dammit, this was just a practice match, and he couldn’t keep it together with the blockers’ pressure. How was he supposed to play at Nationals?

If only he could be more like Kenma, who never got shaken off his feet, or had any actual good skills like Kageyama’s—

_No_.

Akaashi pressed his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms to think about anything else, but the thoughts were already there, dragging him into that dark spot he always ended up in.

If Akaashi could play better then maybe he could rely on everyone else. But he knew his tosses weren’t always the best and the one player who would be able to hit them anyway was Bokuto-san. It wasn’t that Akaashi didn’t trust the team’s abilities.

He didn’t trust his own.

Akaashi opened his eyes. He belatedly realized his cheeks were stained with tears. He used the towel to clean all of his face and tried to act nonchalantly so no one would know.

No one really noticed when Akaashi had a breakdown. Well, no one except Bokuto. He could tell the player knew already.

The whistle blew, signaling the end of the practice match. They had won four out of seven sets.

They all started putting away everything and cleaning the court. Akaashi managed to do it without talking to anyone and the moment they were free he sneaked away to his dorm.

Akaashi was quick to take a bath. If he stayed there for more time his mind would just continue to go down. He got one of Bokuto’s hoodies on and some sweatpants before lying down on his bunk with his back to the door.

Akaashi took a deep breath and sighed. He hadn’t had any mental breakdowns during a game since so long ago, he really thought he was over it now.

The door opened suddenly and light footsteps walked towards him. Akaashi closed his eyes and feigned being asleep when he felt Bokuto next to him. He just didn’t feel like talking about it.

“‘Kaashi?” Bokuto tried softly. He sighed and carefully lied behind Akaashi, putting an arm around his waist and leaning his forehead against the back of Akaashi’s neck. “I know you’re not asleep,” Bokuto continued, “and I know it happened too. I love you, Akaashi.” He pressed a soft kiss against his neck. “Wanna talk about it?”

Suddenly, Akaashi couldn’t hold it any longer, and he gave up. He turned to face Bokuto as tears started streaming down his face, and he hugged his boyfriend like it was the only thing keeping him afloat.

Maybe because it was.

Bokuto let Akaashi cry his frustration out while comforting him. He combed his hand through his hair, whispering soft words in his ear, and slowly, Akaashi calmed down.

“I’m sorry I—“

“Don’t be,” Bokuto interrupted. “Never be sorry for any of this, Aghaashi. It’s not your fault.”

Akaashi took a deep breath and nodded. Bokuto cleaned his tears from his cheeks tenderly and stared at his eyes.

“You thought about it, didn’t you?” Bokuto said. Akaashi looked away. He didn’t need to answer for him to know. Bokuto kissed him deeply. “You’re nothing like them, Keiji. You are your own player, and that’s what makes you unique and special to our team.”

Akaashi sighed. “It’s just... I wasn’t really at my best today, and I didn’t know how to deal with the blockers either, I—“ Akaashi started. “I just thought if I had skills like Kageyama’s or could create smart plays like Kenma’s maybe I could put a fight with the blockers.”

“Everyone’s got off days, Akaashi. Hell, I’ve got off games all the time,” Bokuto said with a small laugh. “And even with that, you managed to outsmart the blockers. You got a good dump in there and you also tricked them into thinking you were gonna spike. Not to mention the time you did spike it, which I’m not gonna lie, really turned me on.”

Akaashi couldn’t help but laugh a little at that, but he still couldn’t look back up at Bokuto. Bokuto carefully took his face in his hands and made him look.

“Your tosses are the easiest to hit, Akaashi, I love them,” Bokuto started, “and I mean it, not because you’re my boyfriend but as a player. Ya know, I don’t really like playing with Kageyama setting. You think you know how to attack, but Kageyama has already decided for you in the toss. It’s not a bad thing but there’s no fun in that.

“Meanwhile, Kenma is always using you to play as his pawn the way he wants to, but with you Akaashi, I really want to give my 120%, cause I know your toss will let me and everyone else fight for themselves too,” Bokuto said. “Remember, there’s no better toss than one that’s easy to hit, and Akaashi yours are the easiest!

Bokuto smiled sincerely at him, and Akaashi felt himself blush slightly. He laughed softly before kissing his ace deeply.

“Thank you very much, Kou,” Akaashi mumbled, hugging Bokuto strongly. “I don’t know where I would be without you.”

_Probably not Fukurodani_ , and Akaashi was glad he was there. He was glad he had met Bokuto Koutarou and all his teammates.

“I love you, Koutarou,” Akaashi said. “Thanks for always spiking my tosses.”

“I love you too, Keiji,” Bokuto replied. “Thanks for entrusting me your tosses.”

Akaashi cuddled into Bokuto, thankful for having him as his boyfriend and best friend. Next to him, Akaashi knew he could take over the world and more. 


End file.
